


Therapy Time

by Bolontiku



Category: DCU, Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Suicide Squad (2016), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Jim is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bolontiku/pseuds/Bolontiku
Summary: Our favorite men talk about the blonds in their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

 [](https://bolontiku.tumblr.com/image/160852975990)

 

Based off this post: <https://magellan-88.tumblr.com/post/160848127181/bolontiku-magellan-88-bolontiku>

***

  
Clint looked around the room. He recognized Bucky, the dark haired one had checked in as Leonard McCoy. So now he was just waiting on one Floyd Lawton.

He took a sip of his coffee as he sat back, the door swung open and a tall dark skinned man strode in, confident strong steps as he made his way in. He moved directly for the coffee pot, snatching up a donut and stuffing it in his mouth he grunted as he sat down, the other three just looked at him.

“What? I got somethin on my face?” He asked curtly.

Clint smirked, “Lawton?”

“Nahh, Deadshot. Get it right.” Came the quick reply.

McCoy rolled his eyes sitting back, “well ain’t you just a peach?”

  
Clint cleared his throat, but before he could say anything the door slammed open again, this time a certain blond strode in. Her tiny shorts hid nothing and she made her way over to Deadshot and sat in his lao. Quickly stealing what he had left of donut and snagging his coffee.

“Harley,” it was a growl and he lifted her by her tiny waist.

“But I don’ wanna go to daycare!” She pouted up at him. “You know they’re just gonna have us come in later anyways! So i can just sit here,” she punctuated this with a stomp of her heel. Her face pleading as he led her to the door.

“Remember what we talked about? This is ‘me’ time, and if you don’t let me have ‘me’ time then I will have to take  _your_  time..” She glanced up at him with a pout and crooked her finger before pointing at her cheek. Floyd glanced over at the bemused expression of the others, he dipped down quickly and dropped a peck to her cheek.

She squealed with a broad grin, “don’t take too long, you know I get bored easily!” With a twirl she was gone.

Deadshot sighed as he moved back to get another donut and a new cup of coffee, “so y'all got problems like her huh?”

'Good’, Clint thought. Moving right into it.

McCoy scoffed, “if only!”

Clint cocked his head to the side. “Want to elaborate on that?” He asked crossing a leg over the other.

“Dr. McCoy. Bones, just call me Bones. Which by the way I got that nickname from my own troublemaker.”

“Whats her name?” Deadshot asked reclaiming his seat on the long plush couch, to the right of Bones.

“His.” Bones corrected, sighing heavily. “His name is James Tiberious Kirk, just Jim though.”

“Steve Rogers.” The three men looked at the long haired brunette that had yet to say anything. Clint knew better, just let Buck talk when he felt the need to. “Uhh, I’m Bucky-er James Barnes.”

“You talkin’ bout THE Steve Rogers? Captain America?” Deadshot asked.

Bucky nodded wearily watching the taller stranger. “Yeah, see but I dont know him like that. He’s still the same punk I used to pull outta back alleyways, he’s just…bigger.”

McCoy rolled his eyes, “what are we really doinf here?” He asked looking at Clint.

Clint fixed his glasses and sighed, “we are here to air out any complaints and frustrations you may have over-wait a minute. All of you are talking about blonds?” The three nodded. “Blue eyes?” Again a nod, this time the men looked around as they nodded, grins slowly soreading over their lips. “There you have it! Find yourselves a redhead or a brunette!” Clint clapped his hands.

“See its not that easy,” Deadshot spoke up. “Seriously! I dont care, you dont kill people and sleep easily if you had feelings….but she. She drives me insane. You know that time with the Enchantress she just went off on her own?! There were these…these….THINGS! That um,  _used_  to be human, just crawling around the city. And Flagg….that ass, he just…let her!” He growled as he sat back irritated now. “She was hurt and would have gotten herself killed,” he sat back smirking, “actually scratch that, she handled herself well. Even saved Flagg a few times.”

Bucky smirked, “Steve once had me zipline onto a moving train.”

“How did that go?” Deadshot asked.

Bucky held up his metallic arm, “you tell me.”

Bones moved forward, eyes scanning his arm and prodded him, “you know all my years on the Enterprise and I have yet to find something quiet like this.” He looked up embarrassed as he realized he had invaded the other mans personal soace and sat back.

“What about you?” Clint asked him.

“Do you see the white that is coming out of my head?! Good god man! That….Jim… Is the reason I cannot sleep! And to top it off he is allergic to the damned medicine! Which means I have to then give him a new battery of hypos!” Deadshot laughed as Bones sat back, “ohh, you dont understand, that idiot just sticks his dick in whatever hole he can find! Which means i am giving him a whole new physical every week, since we don’t know just what is out there! He’s worse than a Goddamned child that one! Just last week he had me on some god forsaken planet and we had no idea that the vegetation was the sentient beings….well that started a slew of problems, especially when a crew member PLUCKED what looked like a flower!” He huffed angrily, his gaze unfocusing and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Clint frowned, “still with us doc?”

Bones looked up at him, “yeah, yeah…”

Bucky chuckled, “Steve likes to take on fights he can’t win. It’s like he just can’t turn it down you know? Always something with that guy. And it’s part of why I can’t just leave him alone. Like, I know its a bad idea-”

“But you know he’s likely to kill himself if you’re not there to watch out for him.” Bones finished.

Bucky nodded, “he went against the Red Skull and what happened? He gets frozen in ice because I wasn’t there to watch out for him. But there was also the time that he went off and almost killed himself facing off with this thing from another dimension-”

Deadshot gave a nod and everyone stilled as there was a large commotion outside.

“Harley..”

“Steve…”

“No, that was Jim!” Bones jumped up the others following.

Upon opening the door several bodies toppled in burying the doctor. Jim propped himself up and smiled down at Bones sheepishly, “hey there Bones! Ya miss me?”

“Dammit Jim! Will you get offa me?!” He growled, “it’s not like your made out of sunshine and daffodils!”

Jim snickered as he nuzzled his friend under him, “you finally telling me that I’m the center of your world Bones?”

“JAMES TIBERIOUS KIRK!” he roared, trying to shove him off and landing on soft flesh.

“Woah! Thats mine!” Deadshot reached over plucking the petit blond from the pile and standing her before him. “Didn’t I ask you to behave?” He ducked to meet her gaze.

Harley pouted, “it wasn’t my idea!”

“Listen, all I said was that I was curious about what you three were talking about. And if you two had listened to what my plan was then we wouldn’t-thanks Buck,” he interrupted himself as Bucky yanked him off the other two men. “As I was saying, if you two would have listened to me-”

“He grabbed my ass!” Harley cut in.

Jim smirked, “can you blame me?!” He asked wide eyed. He laughed when Bones shoved him off, sending him sprawling onto his back. “C'mon! Its not like he complained when i touched his ass!” Jim chuckled.

Bucky looked over at Steve, who ducked his head blush spreading across his cheeks. “Thats it!” Bucky lunged forwards, Jim closed his eyes and grunted when a body fell atop his.

Bones groaned as he landed onto him. Bucky’s fist having connected with his jaw when he had moved to stand up. “Bones?!” Jim cried out as he grasped him by the shoulders. Bomes moaned out a curse.

Clint stepped forwards, “alright alright calm down everyone. Lets call it a day for now, let everyone cool off.” He helped McCoy up to his feet, Bucky apologizing and he nodded.

“Its just my luck with this one over here.” He nodded at Jim who was now looking him over worried. “I’m fine Jim!” He shrugged the hands off him but nodded at the others reaching up to tap his comm. “Chekov, yeah Bones, beam us up. Take care.” Light surrounded the two men and then they were gone.

“Ohhh! Lets do that!” Harley squealed.

“Harley, no,” Deadshot sighed wrapping an arm around her waist and shoving a donut into his mouth before saluting the three that were left standing there and walking out the door with a protesting blond.

The three avengers looked at each other briefly, Clint burst into laughter. “Here we thought we had it bad!” He chuckled as Bucky joined him.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “What?”


	2. Therapy Time 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorites find themselves aboard the Enterprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> multi-fandom  
> serious crossovers happening here  
> just utter chaos

 [](https://bolontiku.tumblr.com/image/172352347120)

A/N: So this is follow up to my one shot Therapy Time, which was a result of being plot bunnied by [@magellan-88](https://tmblr.co/mOeFt97ChK6At-QjCNSdqLw) This is also my entry to her follower celebration!!! Yayyyy!!! Now Mags, you know I don’t do crack… I THRIVE IN CHAOS. Hopefully you will enjoy…let me know what ya’ll think if you’d be so kind? 

********

“JIM..” his tone was warning him he was going too far.

“BOOONES…” Jim drawled practically hanging off the CMO, “you take everything way too seri-” a hiccup interrupted his sentence,” s-sseriously!” he pointed at the tall brunette. “It was just a bit of flirting!! Nothing to be jealous about, we are on shore leave-”

“Nothing to be jealous about,” Bones growled.

“WoAHH!!” Jim reared back as they stepped off the elevator onto the residential floor, “wh-whuddya mean?”

“Captain!” both men turned to find Spock moving towards them, “We have attempted to contact you multiple times and as we failed to do so we were forced to take action.”

Jim blinked several times before smiling sloppily. Bones let out a long suffering sigh, “What is it Spock?”

“We had several intruders appear out of no where, two ran off immediately and one had to be subdued via phasers, the others claimed that you two personally knew them, commented on our uniforms. Also, it seems that there is technical malfunction throughout several areas in the ship making it difficult to pinpoint the exact whereabouts of the previous two.”

Jim began to sober, “W-what do they look like?” he asked feeling his stomach roll as he had an uneasy feeling as to who it was.

They were walking now, “three men and a female appeared, we believed they beamed onto the ship.”

Jim stopped staring at Spock, “The woman, what did she look like?”

“Good god, not her..” Bones breathed out.

* * *

“ **Catch me if you can**!!” she giggled as she danced out of reach rounding the corner with agility and speed.

“HARLEY!!” Deadshot growled running after her. She had left several rooms in her wake look like a hurricane had gone through them, which wasn’t so bad…if he hadn’t arrived without a weapon. She just holly jollied her way through with her bat, him? Nothing! “HARLEY!!” he growled again.

He stopped in his tracks as he made it around another corner, men in uniforms straight from a nerd convention aimed guns at Harley. AND SHE JUST GIGGLED?! He was gonna wring her neck. “HEY! HEY!!” he shouted as they opened fire and Harley danced between them, dodging bullets, bat swinging with deadly accuracy. “HARLEY!!”

“I just needed someone to play with!!” she sang happily as her bat cracked across the last one’s head. “Losers,” she pouted and moved on, “there’s gotta be something fun to do in this building!!”

Deadshot grumbled death threats as he followed, bending down quickly to pick a few of the guns. He heard her excited exclamation as she opened a door, “Harley..don-dammit..”

* * *

“She is loose on my ship!?” Jim shouted, the group now following behind him. They had gone down to the holding cells to find Clint, Steve, and a groggy Bucky waiting for them. 

“Ship?” Clint asked, “look we don’t even know how we got here-”

“This is true, I traced their point of origin back on earth Captain!”

“Scotty, not now,” Jim waved him off, “get comms back up now!” he shouted at the man who was still yammering on to himself as he disappered around a corner.

“Hey what did they hit me with?” Bucky asked.

Bones waved what looked like a pen over Bucky’s head and he slapped at his hands, the Doctor pursing his lips, “They used the stun setting on the phasers, I am sure otherwise you would have been worse off.”

“Takes more than stun to knock me out cold,” Bucky grumbled as they continued to follow the Captain.

Jim placed his hand on Clint’s back ignoring the look from Bones, “don’t worry we will get your friends and send you guys on home.”

Clint blinked at him, “technically they aren’t  _our_  friends,” he said defensively, “we still gotta figure out why and how we got here though…wait, why am I in charge?” he asked looking over his shoulder at Steve then Bucky, both men shrugged.

“Been working out since last time we saw each other?” Jim asked him, hand on his upper arm. Clint had no chance to answer as they entered a room with loads of control panels. “Do not touch anything,” he warned.

“Like your one to talk,” Bones retorted.

“This is my ship,” Jim bit back. 

Bucky grinned, for once Steve was behaving himself. He looked to his right to say something and balked when he realized Steve wasn’t there. “Dammit we lost Steve.”

“WHAT?!”

* * *

Deadshot growled as he shot at the man behind Harley, lights were going, alarms were blaring and Harley giggled through it all. He stepped past a few bodies that were on the floor and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“BUT I’M NOT DONE PLAYING!” she screamed as he threw her over his shoulder.

“Harley, we don’t even know where the fuck we’re at! I am shooting with some pussy ass gun…look at these guys!! They’re still breathing-g-GIVE ME THAT!” he jerked her bat from her hands and let out a sigh. Now if he could find a way out of this weird ass building and back onto the streets he might be able to get his bearings and get them outta there before they got caught. “This is worse than that time with that witch-”

“Enchantress!” Harley piped up.

“Shuddap,” he growled angrily, squeezing her legs in his grip making her squeal lightly. “You better be glad I think your cute otherwise you’d be on your own.”

“You think I’m cute?”

* * *

Steve turned around, Bucky had been right there!! But he had just seen a man with the head of a fish… where did he go off to? Or was it a she? Jesus where were they?! Was that a cat lady? Why were there alarms going off?

A familiar giggle and growl caught his attention. “HEY! he shouted, the man in red and black slowed to a trot and then stopped beside him. “Lost?”

“You have no idea man!”

Steve grinned, “yeah well, I’m lost too.”

“NO help,” Deadshot said glaring at Steve before setting Harley down on her feet.

She immediately sidled up to Steve, “hey there tall blond and handsome, you wanna play?” Steve blushed bright red, Harley yelped before he could answer as Deadshot pulled her into his side. “Stay. Behave. Let me figure this out.” He growled his forefinger close to her lips. Her answer was a pout but she entwined her fingers with his, enjoying the fact that he was giving her attention.

“So, we are on a ship,” Steve supplied running a hand over the back of his neck.

“So, we’re in the middle of the ocean?” Deadshot asked incredulously.

Steve raised an eyebrow, “more like a space…ship..”

Harley gasped loudly, “holy moly batjerks!!”

“What are you three doing here?” They all looked over at the short red haired man.

“Your Scotty?” Steve asked quickly remembering him from earlier.

“Aye,” he answered defensively, taking a step back as Deadshot turned to glare at him. “Who’s the big guy? Hey there pretty girl,” he waved at Harley.

“Can you take us back to where my friends are?” Steve asked feeling relief, at least they would be together.

* * *

Bucky looked wild eyed when the four entered the bridge, “Captain, comms are up and running as to the electrical disturbance, as far as I can figure once we get these home it should set everythin a’right.”

Jim smiled, “Damage report?” he asked noting the blond female stepped behind Deadshot at this.

“Well,” Scotty looked down at his PDA and hummed eyebrows raising in shock and awe. “Doctor you might want to get down to the sick bay ASAP, seems we have a shortage of staff to handle the amount that are reporting there.” He looked over at Deadshot and Harley.

Jim let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, “good thing your here to help out!” he sighed draping his arm over Clint’s shoulder.

Bones grumbled stalking over, “this ends now,” he grabbed the front of Jim’s shirt and jerked the blond into a kiss. The Captain melted against him, and swayed when Bones pulled back. “I have to go deal with this situation, but I expect to see you later?”

Jim nodded, still a little unsteady on his feet, dazed with a sloppy grin. Bones nodded with satisfaction and turned on his heel quickly leaving.

Clint cleared his throat, “So, did that really just work?”

Spock and Scotty looked over at him. “Excuse me?” Spock asked.

Clint smirked, “yeah well I was only supposed to show up with these two,” he jerked a thumb at Bucky and Steve, “but these two showed up right at the moment he beamed us here.”

Spock tilted his head to the side looking at Jim who squirmed. “Care to explain further?”

Clint sighed, “It seems your good doctor has been struggling with committing to… what they had going on between them. Kirk got in touch with me, asked for some help… we were supposed to show up for a tour and we would get a little cozy with him. Harley was a wild card we were not expecting,” he shrugged.

Spock blinked a few times, “well, now that that has been dealt with, shall we get you home? Scotty?” he let out a sigh and clasped his hands behind his back.

“What’s that Spock? Letting them off the hook so easily?” Jim asked with a smirk.

Spock set his lips in a straight line, “Captain, it seems they were but your guests. If anyone is to be held responsible for their actions on The Enterprise it would be you, as you are their host. Any damages incurred will be paid by your salary and it will be noted in the log and a report sent to higher command.”

Jim’s shoulders sagged before Clint nudged him, “worth it though?”

Looking up he saw Steve and Bucky, the latter had his arm wrapped around Steve’s waist, pulled close. A smile slipped into place as he thought about meeting Bones later. “So worth it!” he answered. “Thanks for coming man,” he clapped Clint on the shoulder moving to shake hands with Steve, Bucky, Deadshot and he hugged Harley.

“Aright, lets get you guys home, Scotty think we can shoot them back home?” He asked looking over at him.

“I cannae do it in one shot!”

“We actually hopped several ships and planets,” Clint groaned.

“Ahh,” Jim bit his lip thinking for a moment, “if you are good with it… we are headed that way, it will take some time but…?” he looked at the group in front of him expectantly.

“YEEESSSSS!!!”

“Take the bat away from her please?” he pointed at Deadshot who waved it above his head. “There is plenty to do aboard ship. You won’t get bored I promise, if need be we’ll stop planet side to stretch our legs on proper terrain and to offer a few sights I am sure you’ve never seen, nor will get the opportunity to, at least not on Earth..”

Spock sighed as Jim led the group out already making plans with them. How did he get dragged into this?”


End file.
